Our life’s work is to achieve the best of what we are, not what others want us to be. However, most of us get distracted away from achieving our best. Why does this happen? How can we stop it happening? How do we start carving out the best version of our real selves? The result will be a transformation of self.
In this brief article I explore a first step: expelling the corrupted voice in our head.
The biggest obstacle is what a reader may now be feeling – disbelief and cynicism – the inner chatter that says things like: “That’s not for me! What am I ever going to achieve? We are quick to harshly judge ourselves and others too, without the slightest shred of evidence. This jump to judgment lies at the heart of our failure to turn up for life in the glorious best of ourselves.
Our inner chatter, our own corrupt judge will sentence each of us to a life of failure and mediocrity unless we do one thing – put that judge in the dock and commit him/her to a life of silence!
Stop judging yourself and stop listening to others who judge you.
How did we arrive at this start point of failure? It wasn’t always this way. We were once at the starting blocks in a better sate.
Depending on who we are we have an endless capacity to either love, run, sing, be generous, raise a family, run a business, cook, invent, fight, be funny, be contemplative, juggle on any one or more of thousands of options.
Rarely can anyone else discover for us what these hidden strengths are locked within ourselves and rarely are we let discover them for ourselves. The result is we rarely vote for ourselves.
Democratic and suffragette movements won the right of ordinary people to vote others into power. I want each of us to acknowledge our own freedom to vote our true selves into power over our lives.
We possessed this awesome potential the day we were born. From our early days most of us were protected and loved and it’s a necessary and wonderful beginning of human survival. However, from an early age the way we observe the world is shaped by parents, family, school, peers, media, and events and so on. We are provided with certain religious or non-religious beliefs, instilled with certain values of what is important and not important, of the type of people to accept or not accept, the type of work that is suitable for us, the type of education we should have and so on.
Many of the things we end up believing about others and ourselves have actually been planted on us. Much of this is good. After all we developing a sense of ourselves, is necessary for the creation of a healthy ego. However, most writers on this now agree that by the time we reach adult hood most of us have lost “true north”, that sense of who we really are.
We strive to become a version of ourselves that fits the positive judgment of others and that conforms to what is comfortable for others around us.
What if we take this second-hand, hackneyed version of ourselves, put it under a microscope, test all the assumptions and throw out those assumptions that don’t stand the test? Imagine a world where we take that young child that was us, the one with unbounded joy, hold him/her by the hand and chose to believe in their dreams and nurture them to life?
One of the great joys of my practice as a coach is watching adults strip away the life limiting beliefs they had somehow accumulated over years and start to make choices and do things that bring them great energy.
As a child I had an uncle whose presence I loved being in. No matter what I did or tried he was always, within reason, encouraging. There was never judgment, just playful encouragement.
Now, I encourage you to not just read this blog. Try an exercise. Imagine the most positive person in your youth, that most encouraging uncle or aunt or someone else! If you have not been fortunate enough to have had such a presence, then borrow my uncle!! Invite the presence of that person in, let them take you by the hand and start accepting who you are.
That will be a good start.
Liam Scollan is a certified coach with the International Coach Federation. He practices from Dublin and Sligo in Ireland and internationally by skype. He can be contacted on firstname.lastname@example.org